Arziki Coughed
by Degenerate Scumbag
Summary: I am currently working on a novel and made the mistake of sharing it with a friend. She proceeded to write the greatest and worst fanfiction of all time with references to My Hero Academia, Rick and Morty, and Kanye West.
1. Chapter 1

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Arziki coughs. "Excuse me, Deputy Dick." He fires the gun. She falls, dead. The blind boy is still blind and therefore utterly useless in this senerio. Times go by and he is still blind. What the fuck, blind boy. Gosh darn your gay ass. He thumbses up. "Golly I want some straight up penisfucking dick right now. The child looks at him, disgusted. Alas, no one can be as smart as the child. The blind kid is fucking dumb. AFter all, he can't watch rick and morty. ONLY INTELLECTUALLS SUCH AS THE CHILD CAN WATCH RICK AND MORTY CAUSE IT TAKES A VERY HIGH IQ TO UNDERSTAND THE SUBTLE HUMOR. The blind boy look at Deputy Dick. "Hewwo?" He is shot. Mmm whatcha say plays in the background. A single letters falls to the ground. The kid picks it up. He begins to read. "I want some cock but by the time anyone reads this letter i'll be-" he is interruped by getting shot. Mmmm whatcha say continues to play in the background, taunting everyone. Jesus comes down to take the blind kid up to heaven. The blind kid opens his ghost eyes, fin*author's name* able to see himself being SLAMMED INTO HELL BY JESUS CHRIST AMEN. "We don't like the gays." Jesus t-poses and clips through the ceiling. Deputy Dick is the only one left alive. He sheds a single tear. If only updog was here. That mystical creature only spoken of in legends. Suddenly, the door smashes open. He gasps, for there stands his lover, KANYE WEST. "KANYE!" He yells, anime tears flowing out of his eyes. The two share a tender embrace. Mmmm whatcha say fades away. The room is silent. Deputy Dick looks up at his lover. Kanye brushes his MASSIVE THONG on Dick's face. Dick opens his mouth. Suddenly, WHATS NEW PUSSYCAT BEGINS PLAYING, ruining the tender moment. The two look away, awkwardly. "Dic, I have something to tell you," Kanye says, anime blush forming. "What is it, my sugoi bestest boi," Deputy Dick asks, tears streaming down his young face. Kanye gets on a knee, pulling out a small package. Deputy Dick gasps, in sugoi anime fashion. "I… I….

 **IF YOU KEEP ON FUCKING CRYIN BITCH WE ALL GONNA DIE BITCH CAUSE ITS GONNA FLOOD AND DROWNING KILLS PEOPLE."**

Deputy Dick looks at him in confusion, dick hardening. Kanye West tears open the package, revealing a vibrator. He stabs out Deputy Dick's eyes with it, causing the crying to stop. "KANYE DARLING I CANT SEE SHIT!" Dick screams like a large toad before collapsing on the ground, dead. "Aw shit dawg, whatcha gonna do now, bitch." Kanye West morns the death of his lover in his tiddy wolf fursuit, before pulling out the katana in his ass. Taking a final look at his lover, Kanye cuts off his long 10 inch dick, killing himself instantly.

The room is quiet. Everyone has died. A single person clapping can be heard. The clapping grows louder and louder as the person enters the room, illuminated by the bulbous lights. It was… MINETA, the cause of all this evil yet pervy chaos. He grins, looking at Kanye's booby fursuit. "One fap wont hurt as long as its no homo." He pulls out his mircodick, about to proceed with the sinful action but suddenly, a figure enters the room. It was…. *AUTHOR'S NAME*. "You honestly thought someone as pathetic as you could be the cause of all this chaos?" She burst out in maniacal laughter similar to the mating call of a crow. "Psh, nothing personnal kid, buuuuuut it was me, Satan." Mineta chucked his sticky balls at her, only to have some stones throw them off their chorus. "I-i-impossible!" Mineta cried. "The only thing that could possibly defeat my sticky nut balls would be a force of magic greater than my own!" *author's name* chuckled. "You mean the chaos emeralds?" Mineta moaned in lucid horror. *author's name* pulled out her weapon of choice, ready to end the rat bitch. "You're going into orbit, you stupid rodent." *author's name* tossed Mineta before hitting him with her limited edition Aoyama Yuuga body pillow, launching him into orbit. "The evil has been defeated," she glimmered victorious, looking out into the sunset. "Not quite," a voice behind her said. She turned around only to be disintegrated by the Jesus Christ, still t-posing. "Begone, Satan bitch." He stared at her pile of ashes before turning to the body pillow. He tossed it into the ocean, hopefully for it to float to a new owner. "Godspeed," he said, shedding a single tear.


	2. Epilogue

The sea was salty, like the boy sitting on the pier. He looked out over the sea, throwing his sandwich in its waters. Suddenly, he spotted a mysterious blob, floating in the waters. He ran into the ocean, grabbing the blob and pulling it to shore. Looking at the blob, he began laughing hysteric*author's name*. The crows around him scattered. "FINALLY. AFTER ALL THESE GODDAMNED YEARS I HAVE IT. THE WEAPON TO BRING DOWN SATAN." He picked up the limited edition Aoyama Yuuga body pillow, nearly being blinded by its presence. "THE WORLD HASN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ALEX THE GH-" He is obliterated before another word could be uttered. "Not again, bitch. We aint bringing your gay ass back." A shadowy figure stepped out of the shadows, in full bondage gear. Feeling around, she grabbed the body pillow. Lifting up her blindfold, *author's name* looked up to the heavens. Taking in a deep breath, she spoke.

"God I fucking love Aoyama."

She then ran back into the trash can and closed the lid, likely going back to hell. _"Godspeed, bitch."_


	3. Afterward

Greetings!

I want to explain that I did not write this parody of my series, Two Witnesses in Eschaton's Institute. It was written by my friend after she read the first chapter. This parody contains lots of silly references and toilet humor so be wary of that. I have censored out the author's name primarily because of that, as she references herself in the story. I might add hints of the actual novel later, but I would just like to see how many of you find this ridiculous 4-way crossover endearing. I own Two Witnesses in Eschaton's Institute, Arziki, the blind boy, the young boy, and "Deputy Dick". I do not own any characters from BNHA or Rick and Morty. Kanye belongs to himself.

Sincerely yours,

Degenerate Scumbag.


End file.
